Can’t say I didn’t see THIS coming.
And for the record…I SOOOOOO wanted to post the song as soon as I downloaded it. (Monday Morning at 9:15 CT cause that’s how I roll) But I KNEW that as much as I liked the song, nothing good could come of it.
And JUUUUST like clock work, I stumble upon Ben Effing Stein talking about Ludacris 36 hours later.
I spend a day decorating my sons’ room and as soon as I put them in their new Superman adorned beds, I come downstairs to see Ben Effin Stein analyzing the lyrics of Chris Bridges.
For those of you not quite engaged in the process….THIS is how it works.
1. Someone “unacceptable” endorses Obama
2. Those who do not support Obama proceed to defecate Masonry.
3. Obama Apologizes for the delicate sensibilities of people who don’t know or care about the unacceptable person and proceeds to condemn that about the unacceptable person that Obama finds objectionable.
4. Those who support the unacceptable person take offense of some sort
5. Those who support Obama smack around the unacceptable person for putting Obama in a bad spot.
6. The unacceptable person apologizes as best they can muster and goes back to not really being relevant to the campaign at all.
7. Those who oppose Obama attempt to milk all the negativity they can by demonizing the unacceptable person and attempting to add him/her to the growing roster of nefarious creatures associated with the mysterious colored man.
8. The sun sets, the Dogs resume biting men and the bears continue to shit in the woods.
I mean, I could go into the whole thing about Ludacris speaking for Ludacris and not for the campaign…but everyone has already decided it is much more fun to play like this actually matters…so Ima go back to listening to the mixtape now that the kids are in the bed.
For those of you that care…luda still goes in with the best of them.
Once upon a time, I was involved in a childhood game where you mustered up all the static electricity you could (usually off of the carpet) and then you went and shocked another person.
Once, one of my older cousins succeeded in genuinely shocking me to the point that I was genuinely uncomfortable and rather skittish to play the game from that point forward.
I also have had unfortunate incidents involving jumper cables that have me rather slow on the draw to deal with electricity.
You can imagine, therefore that I am not a particularly big fan of Tasers.
I would be lying if I tried to pass myself off as some kind of anti-tasering activist though.
I am going to take this Day of Blogging for Justice to address a larger issue.
So much of the focus is based around the weapon, when the real focus should be based on the psychology of the user.
The reality is, before Tasers, Cops were just shooting folk…well mostly black folk.
When they weren’t Sodomizing..errr…Beating…err…turning the hose…err…loosing the dogs on…you get the picture.
Tasers were introduced as a means to minimize the use of firearms…a noble exercise to be sure.
But unless you work on the psyche of the user…the psyche that minimizes the value of the suspect to less than that of a test dummy…the user will find a way to abuse the weapon.
IN that spirit I will shut my ignorant ass up and point you to folk much more qualified than me to weigh in.
Dear Dr. Fryer,
I am writing this letter to you because my wife wants to kick your ass. I think you made an ass of yourself, but I am not inclined to come look for you. I will just say that you should count your blessings that her niece went to Boston University and not Harvard.
To say she is deeply troubled by your belief in paying children to encourage them to is just not accurate. I, sir, am deeply troubled by by your belief in paying children to learn.
She is enraged at you because you have chosen a short cut to success. A shortcut that is antithetical to the true purpose of Education.
Education is not a means to an end.
Sorry, Education is not merely a means to an end. It is the end.
And the beginning.
and all that stuff in between.
Education is not a road to success.
Education IS success.
Education is a way of life.
There are no shortcuts.
To act otherwise is to short circuit the circle of life. Whatever short term gains these children receive will come at the expense of what the larger goal SHOULD be.
My wife thinks you have lost your connection with your people. I disagree.
I respect your committment to closing the achievement gap but I am deeply troubled by you hanging your hat on such a hamfisted short circuiting of educational reform.
You sir, have managed to become the Atkins diet of Educational Reform. Paying for scores may benefit some children in the short term, but it is certainly not healthy won’t do anything to effect the long term health of the child’s educational prospects without fundamental change in the long term.
There are no Shortcuts, Dr. Fryer.
A full and thorough and unyielding thirst for education is the most valuable attribute a family can have. Traditionally it is instilled by parents and manifested in their lifestyle.
You cannot buy that. You can only build it.
To pretend there is a shortcut does a disservice to the children and our culture.
Please rethink this before my wife finds you, for your own safety.
The easy thing to do is to talk about how HORRRRRIBULL the New Yorker cover was.
I don’t blog to do the easy thing.
I’ll bet when Barry Blitt penned this lil ditty, he probably thought to himself…”yeah, I nailed that shit. This is off the chain. I didn’t miss a thing. Look how complete the analysis is, down to the flag in the fireplace. Ain’t no one seein this. Pullitzer, here I come.”
While I am far too cheap to subscribe to the New Yorker, I read it regularly online. It is classic Northeast Corridor insular intellectualism. They do what they do well. And yeah, the Cover is well done.
In a vacuum.
Out here in the real world…Blitt fucked up.
He should have talked to Spike Lee about the what happens (or what doesn’t happen) when you trot out heavy duty satire around Black folk.
Of course most folk at the New Yorker are so busy waxing geo-political and post-racial about Obama they seem to have forgotten that Barack Obama is Black man #1 right now. What you say or do to Barack Obama, Michelle Obama or the WeeMichelles (Shouts to WAOD)
Black folk who wouldn’t know the New Yorker from a brochure for the Chrysler New Yorker have seen this cover and are…uh…Let’s just say they aren’t pleased.
On the heels of The Etherization of the Former First Black President and his Wife in the eyes of Black folk, Nuts-Gate, and the still smoldering ashes of Tavis Smiley’s status as the King of the Black Pundits, it is becoming abundantly clear that in the eyes of many Black folk, anything that takes away from Barack Obama’s presidential aspirations is taken VERY personally.
Black folk were late to the party, remember, This time last year, Hillary Clinton was 25 points up on Obama in the polls, even amongst Black folk. I am pretty sure that this over-protective impulse amongst Black folk is a subconscious reaction to being so late to the party.
Combine this default nuclear response to anything percieved as disrespectful of the Obama Family with the universally unmentioned fact that Obama (like Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice before him) isn’t alloted a certain regal status afforded other National level Politicians.
Barack Obama carries around issues that don’t actually exist, while John McCain gets a pass on Upgrading from his disabled wife who sat by and waited for him to come home from Vietnam to a sugar daughter who could afford McCain with the economic infrastructure to parlay his admirable Military history into a national career in Politics.
That is an everyday situation for Black folk and white folk just don’t get it.
Satire doesn’t play when people actually think what’s so over-the-top satirical is true.
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
and the WORST part of all this is…
The Obama article INSIDE the magazine is a a revealing insight into what makes Obama tick.
But who cares about all those words when there is a pretty picture on the front.
Sorry Rev, I am going to have to put you in the street on this one.
I spent the better part of Wednesday Night waxing nostalgic over the decline and fall of the pride of Greenville, SC, pondering the impact his campaigns in 1984 and 1988 had in nurturing my political junkieism.
I couldn’t finish it because something I had this nagging sensation in the part of my brain that insists that the entire story isn’t being told.
It took me until the middle of my first shift tomorrow to finally connect all the dots.
Jesse did this on purpose.
You can’t tell me that Jesse Louis Jackson, Sr., who has been rocking the microphone since I was a twinkle in my daddy’s eye, has fallen off to the point that he would lean over to some random brotha and whisper something so incriminating.
This wasn’t the green room.
This wasn’t overheard in a restaurant.
This wasn’t a taped phone call.
This was RIGHT before a talking head segment. Mics already attached. On FOX EFFING NEWS.
COME ON, PEOPLE! (Cosby, W.)
What amazes me is that more folk haven’t come arrived at this conclusion. The math doesn’t work any other way.
I give you the evidence.
- Jesse was apologizing before we even knew what was said – I have a hard time believing that Jesse would have gotten as far out in front of something like this as he did unless he knew it was coming. And the only way to REALLY know it’s coming is if you did it on purpose.
- There are no fence sitters at it applies to Rev. Jackson. Whatever people feel about Rev. Jackson is only intensified by whatever fuckery he does. White folk who just can’t get over the idea of Barack Obama appointing Jesse, Al, and Louis to his cabinet (because you know the first thing Black folk do in positions of power is multiply and deprive white folk of any kind of power). And Jesse gets to “speak truth to power” (cue the quirky quote thing with your fingers) to his base (yes, boys and girls, Jesse STILL has a base) He also gets to give voice to the urban (Black) wing of the Democratic Party.
- Whatever Jealousy Jesse harbors, (and trust…there is a fair amount) he does support Obama and would not have pulled this stunt unless he thought Obama would have a net benefit. That starts with the fact that no one in the punditocracy thinks enough of Jesse that he would dare try and outsmart them.
- Listen to the actual words. “Barack is talking down to Black People” (when has Jesse ever been this cut and dry?)”I wanna cut his nuts off”(kick his ass? cuss his ass out? nope…not strong enough. Gotta get good and gutter with it) Barack is talking down to Black People (just in case the first time didn’t come across clearly enough.) Add to that that he was on Fox News, which would have sole possession of the footage, never to be aired in complete context (Can’t run the risk of broadening the conversation beyond Jesse threatening castration [no way a 67 year old Baptist minister could be speaking metaphorically] on everyone’s favorite Negro while accusing him of (being elitist and “white” (those damn finger quotes again))
- Jesse is on your mind and on your TV/Monitor. Just because you didn’t miss him doesn’t mean he didn’t miss you.
And if THAT ain’t enough real shit. Have a Bite of this apple.
I’ma need dude to fall back on the endless referring to Women as Bitches…but still…science is science.
Warning: this post weighs in at just under FOUR THOUSAND WORDS. There will be an abridged Version posted tonight for those of you allergic to posts of that level. Proceed with caution. the jokes flow in bunches, even if all of them aren’t funny.
- Powered by Mountain Dew Voltage(blue colored raspberry-citrus and ginseng flavored) my wife’s Hooters leftovers, and Fort Worth’s finest tap water.
And so it is, June 24, 2008 and it is time for another illuminating snapshot in Black History.
Yeah, folk, hate all you like, the BET awards are a snapshot in time for where the culture of our people is in 2008.
I am not endorsing this snapshot, I am merely putting it on display.
A fact that my wife just reminded me is an astounding misuse of my God-given ability.
7:00pm – The show opens with one of the many young men who should be paying royalties to Michael Jackson, one Usher Raymond Foster.
Who is apparently getting to the stage in his life where he is too old to be putting out club bangers and has been off the scene (getting his Broadway on, but still) long enough that he looks like he is biting Chris Brown and Ne-yo (who, as I stated earlier, are all biting Michael Jackson.
Speaking of Broadway, I am a bit annoyed that such an accomplished performer as Mr. Raymond is SHAMELESSLY lip-synching. As the elder statesman for male R&B singers, I find this most unacceptable. Surely he could slide in and and do a classic Usher Run or two…but, alas, no.
Michael Jackson is not going to be pleased.
MC Lyte is still doing voice work for BET.
What did I learn from all the names…That SouljaBoy’s last name is Tellem. (Tellem what?)
DL Hughley, (who clearly is the least busy of the Kings of Comedy these days) is the host this year and pretty much came out and proved why he is the ONLY King of Comedy who is ONLY collecting residuals from his show.
7:11 – Jennifer Hudson and Terence Howard prove that having Oscar Nominations won’t prevent awkward and unentertaining banter
Best Male R&B artist: Chris Brown, Raheem Devaughn, J. Holiday, Ne-Yo, Trey Songz .
Chris Brown wins and reminds us that his people skipped past the whole speech making part of artist development. Berry Gordy is mumbling about folk not learning anything from the Motown years.
The hierarchy is: Label, managers, momma, God…and then a promotion of the fans to number one.
Chrysler tries to sell us vehicles that just don’t fit in the modern $4 dollar a gallon economy. But LOTS of cool Gadgets.
Pepsi dusts off an old Super Bowl Commercial with Justin Timberlake. Apparently they don’t have anyone Black on the endorsement list.
Verizon breaks out a good random commercial.
Dreamworks highlights a movie with Iron man playing a brother. Apparently the irony is lost on them.
Hell Date is up for season number 2.
American Gangster season 2 is on DVD. Cause you don’t know nearly enough about the Criminals in our culture.
Oh right…HipHop vs. America.
7:18 – DL Hughley tells us that Jeezy is one of the most exciting rappers to come along in a long time and Jeezy shows us by appearing on stage without so much as a fuckin DJ. Flames and a big screen? Check. Some source for the music? Even a DJ as a prop? Naaaaah.
Apparently Jeezy is too big for HipHop Rule #5: EVERYONE sounds better with a live band.
Cue Kanye who I forgot was on this song. Shows you how much I listen to the radio. Sadly…The best verse is pretty much blanked out. Come on Kanye toda…surely you can clean up the verses for the chirren.
7:23 – Kevin Hart (whose claim to fame is….drumroll…Soul Plane. A Movie so bad even DL Hughley apologized for it.) and Mel B. (who IS fine, just not fine enough to overcome A. Being a Spice Girl and B. getting knocked up by Eddie Murphy only to lose him to the Former Mrs. Babyface(who went on to lose him to Johnny Gill…the Lesson? If Being fine and making a baby can’t keep a man, just being fine wont keep him either…especially if he likes OTHER MEN.)) present…well I still don’t know yet..they are STILL bantering.
Best Male Athlete.(Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Floyd Mayweather Jr., Chris Paul, Tiger Woods)
Okay wait. I LOVE Chris Paul but, COME ON NOW…BEST MALE ATHLETE? He aint even the best BASKETBALL PLAYER LISTED…yet.
Tiger ain’t gonna win cause you know Tiger ain’t there. I know Kobe ain’t there cause he is off getting his Tony Romo on with Mrs. Bryant. (cause Kobe has the good sense to lose in the playoffs THEN go on vacation to Cabo).
Kobe wins. Kevin Garnett Paul Pierce and Ray Allen feel cheated…but only for a second.
Mel and her headlights show Kevin Hart the way back to obscurity.
Um..i don’t know WHO these two are pimpin that whole viewers choice thingy.
Target tries to help Usher sell records. Or tries to help remind Black women to buy records at Target while they buy their towels.
Pizza Hut sells Calzones to black people with only one black dude in the commercial.
Southwest Airlines tells you that the only thing worse than getting your Black Girlfriend’s hair wet is damaging some random Black Man’s classic Mustang.
Post shows you that regular lack folk make cereal for them.
Eddie Murphy has a movie. It’s only PG so it might be funny. Uh oh…Kevin Hart sighting…the movie is doomed.
T-Mobile thinks that Black people know who the Hatfields and McCoys are. Props to them.
O.B. sells tampons…with cartoon ants.
Baldwin Hills is back…and it’s still painful to watch.
I think DL Hughley changed his clothes, but I wasn’t paying attention.
7:31 – Keyshia Cole is singing a song I don’t know from way up in the air only to descend into a puff of smoke. with no band wearing a shredded bed spread..which gets pulled off in exchange for go go boots and shorts.
Yup…she could still get it…
Lil Kim…not so much. You know you are short when Keyshia Cole towers over you. Apparently Missy Elliot is busy.
I kinda wish Keyshia had lip synced.
7:36 – Now we see MC Lyte Read. Toni Braxton wonders if Lyte can afford to pay royalties to her for jacking her 1992 hair game.
Oh look…a Boyz in the hood reunion. Cuba, Cuba Cuba….sigh.
Best Female HipHop Artist (Missy Elliot, Eve, Kid Sister, Lil Mama, Trina)
Wow, Missy’s album isn’t even out yet…Eve dropped a hot single (or two) and was rewarded with a postponement of HER album…Kid Sister is on the periphery of HipHop at BEST(although the video is rather intriguing)..Lil Mama is fighting off one hit wonder status with all she’s got and Trina is currently best known for being the woman who broke up Lil Wayne’s marriage…We should just give this to Lyte, Rah Digga and Jean Grae and K.I.M.
Missy won, but she’s too busy finishing the album she won this award for to attend.
Hancock is coming out soon. Mr. Independence day strikes again. Hard to imagine this being another Wild Wild West.
Subway and Get Smart….hard to get whiter than that.
Chrysler is still selling that mini truck.
AT&T sells black people a cool phone with a commercial they obviously made for use during the Hills.
Two people I don’t recognize tease a show called Somebodies…BET’s first scripted show. 28 years later…I can smell it already.
Baldwin Hills again. Sigh.
DL Hughley rushes through crap written for him to get to a reasonably funny joke that fails because he mangled the lead (Ne-Yo has been with more fine Black Women than Robert DeNiro )…proving again why he is the only King of Comedy without a regular gig.
Ne-Yo gives the performance Usher SHOULD have given.Here is a hint for all yall Michael Jackson wannabes. If you run around and dance for us…we will allow you to sound kinda out of breath. We aren’t that wack.
Ne-Yo gets WAY out front on performance of the night. Shame BET wouldn’t spring for any of these folk to bring out a band. So sad.
LL Cool J leads out Ashanti. LL is so moved by the moment that he didn’t bother to dress up. (BTW…if you haven’t heard LL’s mixtape with Kay Slay…you are missing out)
Ashanti looks like she stole one of Alicia Keys old dresses from the Grammys
Best New Artist (Dream, Estelle, Flo Rida, Chrisette Mchele, Soulja Boy Tellem)
The Dream wins. He didn’t bother showing up because he was so sure Soulja Boy was gonna win.
Ashanti can’t even walk in her heels.
Diet Pepsi Max revives their Grammy Commercial.
Nissan shows Chrysler how to build a car for 2008. If you are too embarrassed to mention the gas mileage…you ain’t got the right car.
Back comes the creepy Verizon wireless commercial.
Pizza Hut and their Calzone.
Roscoe Jenkins is now on DVD, for all y’all bougie mofos too good for bootlegs.
State Farm puts out a decent commercial for Black Folk, reminding me to include them in my hunt for Life/Car insurance.
Cadillac sells Black folk the Escalade Hybrid. 50% more efficient in the city…which means instead of TWELVE miles a gallon…you’ll get EIGHTEEN MPG. Yeah…that will show those greedy Oil Companies.
Baldwin Hills gets more irritating with each promo.
Yes, I will be watching HipHop vs. America II so you won’t have to.
7:54 – DL Hughley points out Queen Latifah, who clearly doesn’t have anything to plug, or else she would be ON the show. Diddy and mini-him. Then comes Alicia Keys.
Alicia Keys brought her curves and her band and her back up singers dancers. We are grateful. Greens and Cornbread clearly agree with Miss Keys.
Alicia has been in the sun lately. Quincy Jones nods in approval.
Alicia summons the spirits of SWV and gets me weak in the knees, stealing best performance from Ne-Yo.
Then comes EnVogue all of whom are STILL fine. Let us pause for a moment of silence.
Then comes T and C (L rest in peace)…T-Boz is hoarse and Chili is still Fine.
Then comes the reunion. What do we notice…that SWV sold the fewest records but have eaten the best.
8:02 – We love Neicy Nash. Fuck what you’ve heard. I love Neicy Nash so much I will watch the Style network to see her sans Reno 911 butt pad.
What passes for Comedy on BET ensues, but her delivery was on point and she’s Neicy Nash, so +100 for her. (silly me thought she was ACTUALLY trying to encourage the adoption of African-American children, but why would anyone let a critical issue in the Black Community get in the way of a good joke?)
Best Male HipHop Artist – Common, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg, Kanye West)
David Paterson can see this one coming. If Kanye had any integrity…yup…he does..he brings up Wayne. If only he had handed over the trophy. No such luck.
The Cast of Baldwin Hills proves they can read. Still can’t act. But they can read.
Tide sells Detergent with White-Tees, Drew from Everybody hates Chris and MC Lyte on the voice over.
McDonald’s sells Big Macs with HipHop.
Wanted is coming out Friday. Hello DVD.
Toyota shows Chrysler how to sell cars to Black folk.
Baldwin Hills STILL sucks.
Ciroc Ultra Premium Vodka is pandering to Black folk.
Hell Date season Two…as if you didn’t know THAT was coming.
Wyclef Jean sells Voting in the US while wearing a Poland soccer Jacket.
BET’s American Gangster season two is STILL on DVD, in case you missed it an hour ago.
8:10 T-Pain is on stage with all kinds of props. Singing some random song that might be on his album…His lil magic Mic is working well. Noooo..hes Lipsynching.
We are regaled with all the hits Teddy Pinherass down has Sung um…. On.
Big Boi wasn’t about to lip synch his verse.
Neither was Ludacris.
Let the record show that BET couldn’t be bothered to silence the N-Word.
8:17 – Derek Luke and Gabrielle Union don’t do the bad BET writing bit any better.
Video of the Year (Ashanti – The way that you love me, E. Badu – Honey, Mary J. Blige, Just Fine, Alicia Keys – Like you’ll Never See Me again, UGK n Outkast – Players Anthem, Kanye West, Good Life)
UGK wins, giving us a chance to hear from one of the smartest Rappers in the industry, Bun B.
I see Pimp C. had a wife…there is a certain irony in that just tickles me.
Big Boi doesn’t miss a chance to plug his solo project.
Target shows Black people they are classier than Walmart.
Ford makes better cars than they used to.
KFC has chipotle flavored Chicken. Seriously.
Ice Cube is STILL making kid movies. This one should be Called Akeelah and the Skinny Post. Apparently they are still trying to get the movie down to a PG rating, because it isn’t rated yet.
Lincolns are fly….even if they are gussied up Fords.
Baldwin Hills STILL sucks.
(dudes are calling women scrapes? SERIOUSLY?)
8:28 – DL Hughley just introduced Marvin Sapp as the man with the most recognizable Warren Sapp. Ima need a few minutes. *pauses the recording*
10 minutes later…
Ladies and gentlemen…the best singers still sing for Jesus. And OFCOURSE HE has a band (complete with string section)AND a choir.
8:31 cue the obligatory shot of Kirk Franklin.
8:32 so…FOUR minutes into the performance…I notice that there has been a slide show behind him…showing singular moments in our history, culminating with a shot of the Obamas in Iowa on June 6. The show SHOULD be ending right here…but this IS BET after all…and the notion of any kind of perspective is just anathema to them…so let the fuckery commence as soon as this is over.
8:34 and DL Hughley is apologizing.
8:35…Mary Mary and Lisa Lisa…I guess Mister Mister was busy.
Best Gospel Artist – The Clark Sisters, Kirk Franklin, Deitrick Haddon, Marvin Sapp, Trinitee 5:7
Marvin Sapp wins just for showing up and singing. Now someone get him back to humanity.
Dr. Ian Smith wants yall to lose weight.
Only white kids wear Pull-Ups but buy them anyway.
Go see wanted because Common is in it.
Wendy’s makes milkshakes.
What’s the best way to sell a sleek new Cadillac? White women talking bougie.
Baldwin sucks more now than it did an hour ago.
I still don’t know who this guy is BET gave a show to.
BET tells you why you should vote.
Baldwin Hills sucks but Buy the 1st season on DVD, cause nothing eases the sucking like adding scenes that sucked so bad that it intensified the sucking to levels BET couldn’t tolerate.
HipHop vs. America II is coming on tomorrow.
8:43 – See, Ursh? Even Chris Brown is Singing…you know you dun Effed up, right?
Whoaaa….Easy with the gyrations Chris…Youll never get on Nickelodeon like that.
The shower in the back ground showed me that it was Ciara, cause my old ass wasn’t sure.
8:47 David Banner Brandon T. Jackson, Solange, Soulja Boy Tellem and Cassie represent Generation Now, even though NONE of them have had a hit in this calendar year. (no, Yaaah Bitch Yaaaah, doesn’t count as a HIT.) I had to look up Brandon T. Jackson to learn that he has a show on the N network…which I am sure I get, but I don’t know where it is.
What passes for a public Service Announcement happens.
Best Collaboration – T Pain and, TPain and, TPain and, TPain and, Keyshia Cole and Kim and Missy
Kanye and TPain win. But not before David Banner plugs HIS new album. TPain comes up in slow motion. Kanye says we should be blessed to be in TPain’s presence. This from the same cat who said Soulja Boy Tellem was on some Nas level. Kanye ya Killin me.
I wonder if David Banner knows that Nas’ album drops on the same day as his? The rest of the world knows…because Def Jam paid good money to advertise.
The recycled Pepsi Commercial with Justin Timberlake is back
So is the Pizza Hut Calzone commercial.
The Eddie Murphy movie looks funny, (it is 3am right now…so take that for what it’s worth)
Verizon sells black folk smart phones by showing a white man texting on a Black mans phone.
Lincoln sells Cars with classy innuendo. The Irony is totally lost on all parties involved.
Southwest sells flying to Black folk by showing uncomfortable white folk.
Crest shows you Black girls with pretty teeth.
Hell Date blah blah blah.
8:57 – John Legend gets a free plug while introducing Al Green.
John Legend misses the easiest Joke in the world by leaving out the most logical end to this comparison: Says
Al Green is Gospel He is Soul he is Rock and roll he is Collard Greens Cornbread Spades and Church Fans. But MOST OF ALL….he is Hot Grits.
Take notes chirren…see if you can learn something from this.
(and WHERE IS OUR AL GREEN BIO PIC?)
On comes Jill Scott to serenade us with an Al Green Song
No one lives Jilly from Philly like Inkognegro…but…isn’t there a certain irony in the stereotypical strong black woman singing Rev. Grits Green? Sorry…this is BET. The people who brought us Yolanda Adams singing Chaka Khan’s Sweet thing. They are impervious to Irony.
Let us bring on the man who will PLAY Al Green in the BIO PIC he deserves…Anthony Hamilton, who has finally sold enough records to not look homeless.
Uh…Maxwell steps in out of ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKIN WHERE AND KILLS simply beautiful. I think women all over southern California melted into a pool of bodily fluids and perfume.
Maybe NOW we can get another fuckin album dammit.
Ill even forgive him for the sneakers.
This is why I even bother with this damn show.
Shout out to Donna Richardson – Joyner (Ill never admit that wack yellow dude scored my favorite fitness diva)
Al sounds like he passed his speechwriters on to Chris Brown.
Then they let him sing.
But not from off his NEW album….only the young folk can plug their new shit.
Let’s stay together….and let us see random black celebrities mug for the camera.
The only thing this segment is missing is the Obamas.
And yes…the ENTIRE crowd knows the words.
Al Green takes it to the Gutter…err Pulpit…errrr…somewhere familiar to ALL of us.
He proceeds to RIP Love and Happiness.
There is a certain poetic quality to this moment. Which BET is about to fuck up by not allowing HIM to close the show. Cause we got more Fuckery to go.
Why close the show with history…when we got Lil Wayne in the house.
Only BET would let Wayne upstage Al Green. Like he can Possibly TOUCH Reverend Albert Green.
Now I am irritated.
Alicia Keys hands over the Inkognegro Best Performance award without protest.
Target reminds Black people that Target is cooler than Wal-Mart.
Nissan reminds GM, Ford and Chrysler why they are hemmoraging money.
Go see HellBoy II even if you didn’t see HellBoy I.
Yup…Its true….KFC has Smoky Chipotle Crispy Chicken.
There is that anonymous cat with the show on BET. I think I make more than he is getting for this show that I refuse to name OR Google.
Fuck Baldwin Hills. (the show…not the place)
HipHop vs. America II blah blah blah.
Wyclef says BET says vote for Obama…REALLY subtly.
This shit is STILL on 2 and a half hours later.
Terrence Rocsi and some random dude present the Viewers choice award
Chris Brown and whatshisname – Kiss Kiss
Keyshia Cole and her and her – Let it Go
Alicia Keys – No One
Soulja Boy Tellem – Crank Dat
Lil Wayne feat some other dude I aint even know was on the song- Lollipop
Jordin Sparks and the dancing fella – No Air
Wayne gets his award and brings his family….or is that ALL of New Orleans with him.
9:30 – DL Hughley tells a Young Buck joke.
9:32 Rihanna has the unfortunate task of following Albert Green. That no one smacks the shit out of whomever thought this would be a good idea is a travesty of Robert Kelly verdict proportions.
Hey Ursh…EVEN SHE is singing. And better than usual.
And Jay-Z knew better than to send her out there bandless.
Number of obligatory Chris Brown shots during this song:
Best Group – UGK. Nothing like death to get you a posthumous award.
Best Video Director – Erykah Badu and Chris Robinson (Honey). But not best Video? THAT makes sense.
Best Actress – Halle Berry – did she even HAVE a movie last year?
Best Actor – Denzel Washington – DUH.
BETJ award – Raheem Devaughn. But…he aint even JAZZ?
GM talks about 0% financing….ill let that joke tell itself.
Will Smith’s kid sells McDonald’s
Verizon has the white dude texting with the black dudes phone. And then smackin the Black dude’s hand off. On BET…seriously.
The Lizard and Naomi Campbell sell that drink I remember.
Cartoon Ants and Tampons from O.B .
White folk and Garnier Fructis…can black folk EVEN USE that shampoo?
Disney tells black folk to go see Wall-E on Friday
Chrysler is STILL shilling that truck.
Diddy and his BET Awards After Party by Ciroc ultra premium vodka.
Debra Lee comes out for her yearly appearance…and the words I am sorry don’t cross her lips ONCE. Aaron McGruder shakes his head in sadness.
She introduces Quincy Jones for the Humanitarian award. Cause NO ONE has done more for Humans this year than Quincy Jones. That was snarky. But the lionization of celebrity in our culture deserves some snark.
Congratulations, Mr. Jones.
Queen Latifah introduces Quincy Jones.
Quincy Jones says thank you. It takes a while…but he does say thank you.
Ford tries in Vain to keep up with Nissan and Toyota
White Folk black folk how to use Bounty Towels.
Wanted starts Friday.
Rap it up.
HipHop vs. America II….in case you didn’t see it the first three times.
Ashanti interrupts DL to talk about some stuff I don’t know ANYTHING about.
Nelly has no shirt on…Jermaine Dupri has a Jacket on…but
Now…um…this is a song about …Jordans. From a man about had a song about Air Force Ones…
Cause we ALL know what we need now is a song about Tennis shoes.
Universal must have REALLY ponied up to get Rihanna, Nelly and Wayne to close the show.
I guess Nelly knows this is his last shot to make it.
Diddy and Lauren London get their mutual Congratulation on.
Its been a Great year for Black folk.
Obama or die.
Bring out the liquor.
The fuckery is so bad my eyes are starting to glaze over.
Best Female R&B (Mary J. Blige, Keyshia Cole, Mariah Carey, Rihanna, Alicia Keys)
Alicia Keys Kills the competition….as if there actually was any.
Clearly, Clive Davis showed Alicia Keys how to give a thank you speech.
10:05 – As we approach Overtime, Lil Waynes performance is teased for the 4,532,676,111th time.
The white dude shills for a Cadillac truckish vehicle.
Buy Toilet Paper
The really cool and smart State Farm Commercial
Southwest Airlines breaks out the shiv for the other airlines.
Pizza Hut doesn’t want black people to know they serve pasta…just pizza wings and calzones.
That show with the black kids in Southern California.
10:07 – He needs no introduction.
The perfect rapper has to have tattoos, sell a million a week, and be from New Orleans.
That’s what the boy said.
Three halves of a song later…it was over.
So…what did we learn…we learned that the show ended with Reverend Albert Green and then Universal came out to sell records.
Thank you BET.
See ya for the HipHop awards.
There are a fair number of folk who support Barack Obama who are rather non-plussed at his speech given on Saturday.
You will not find me to be one of them.
I have read and watched the speech and I found it to be pitch perfect…challenging without being accusatory. Equal parts accusation and exhortation.
I find it interesting that most of those who take issue do not take issue with the speech so much as they do with the coverage of said speech and the general habit of the general consensus of white folk to instigate whenever “good” Black folk take “bad” Black Folk to the woodshed in public(all y’all down ass white folk hush, i know y’all understand…or at least think you do).
There is nothing THEY like to see more than to have a Black person (especially one who has the near universal acceptance of Black folk) saying all the things that White folk know they want to, but cant.
There are two specific reasons that I have chosen to issue this sparkling rhetoric Pass.
1. He’s earned it.
Say what you want about Barack Obama, he is the standard by which all Black Husbands and Fathers are now measured. Unlike the former standard, Heathcliff Huxtable, he is not a fictional character. Barack Obama is the living embodiment of the working father who is actively involved in the life of his children. Mr. Obama is not merely the breadwinner…he is an active participant who shapes his schedule around ensuring that he is a participant in the lives of his children. if ANYONE is going to lecture ME (who I remind you is a non-custodial father) about whatever shortcomings I may have as a father, it would be Barack Obama. The man walks the walk…he can talk the talk.
2. It is his JOB, dammit.
It would be different if the numbers aren’t what the numbers are. It would be different if single parenting wasn’t the norm. It would be different if the speech wasn’t a WHOLE speech, one that outlined the problem, acknowledged the stakes and offered solutions. It would be different if…if men (and not just Black men either, mind you) weren’t fucking up so bad.
Yo, every two weeks I start off $373 in the hole, after taxes in the name of child support. I do pretty well, but I don’t do well enough to not notice 7 and a half bills trotting off into the ether, cause Lawd knows the former Mrs. Ink doesn’t issue spending statements on where the $ goes once it leaves my payroll statement.
And that’s fine. It isn’t for me to worry about the fiduciary arrangements of her household. I can verify that my sons are well cared for and that is all that I need concern myself with
What I can say with certainty in the days of 4 dollar a gallon gas and 4 dollar a gallon milk, is that times would be harder on the boulevard without that money. That, boys and girls, is what we mean when we say “charge it to the game”.
Just as important, is having a face and a purpose to that $. Babies do not grow by bread alone.
End of the day, though…it is simply like this.
If you are on your job, this speech is about encouragement. to maintain.
If you are not…this speech is about exhortation.
To take it as anything other is just a lot of Hit dog Holleration. And that is not cute at all.
My mother was much bigger on BEING a friend than she was on having them. She was one of those folk EVERYONE relied on and knew they could count on. All that being said, my mother wasn’t a real chummy sort. You need something call Momma Ink. You wanna hit someone on the celly and gossip. Don’t call Momma Ink.
My father wasn’t even that.
My father was his own island. He was a nice man, a kind man who never raised his voice. When the mood struck, he was as charming as they came.
That mood struck slightly more often than Halley’s Comet.
I was reading Post-Bourgie today and he posted an ingenious video referencing a reality show called My Black Friend. I’ll pause while you rush over there to watch.
*hums a few bars of Friends by Whodini in the meantime*
So, upon watching that video, I am reminded why it is I have so few white friends. It is the same reason why I have so few actual friends.
We cannot be friends until I have ascertained that the level of foolishness you bring to the table is tolerable to my relatively foolishnessless existence.
Of the people that I count as genuine friends…not ONE of them carries more foolishness that naturally occurs in life as a responsible adult.
I have two sons I love with all the passion that God has allowed my heart to bear and I don’t tolerate foolishness from THEM and NEITHER of them has been blessed thus far to reach double digits in years on this earth.
If you think I am going to welcome white folk into my intimate circle just because they have a wild hair up their ass to earn some kind of merit badge of Eurocentric Diversity, you might wanna ask those black folk who got pissed at me because I didn’t ride with their foolishness in the name of racial unity how that worked for them.
My father, who NEVER said a bad word about Black folk in polite company, was RUTHLESS on them in private. He was one of those cats who took that “we descended from Kings and Queens” pathos QUITE literally and said he expected more from Black folk than white folk because we were the cream of the crop.
While I am not as inclined to swallow that entire ideology, I admit that I expect BETTER from my own than I do from others. I am that way with my sons, so it would naturally follow that I would be that way with my people.
And make no mistake…warts and all…Black people ARE and will always BE my people. And I will ride for them to the extent their foolishness and my ability to stomach said foolishness will allow.
White folk? I love y’all with the love of the Lord, first and foremost. You need me to put five on _________ wedding gift at work even though I am a little short on my lunch money and don’t really know ______ all like that? sure thing.
You want me to COME to said wedding/shower? Err…no. I don’t know you like that, just yet…but keep talking…one day I will feel differently.
Not Today. Not Tomorrow. But One Day.
Mrs. Ink is in her hometown of New York celebrating the end of school by taking in (Black) Cat on a Hot Tin Roof on Broadway with her mom and some friends of her family.
I am taking this time off to get some work done and act like I got some damn sense, a task I have a tendency to fail at occasionally.
Yes, If you haven’t noticed, InkogNegro is now at stage 1.75.
You may ask yourself: Self? What does that mean exactly?
I will tell you that it’s just a sign of a shift in the narrative of this blog.
I have been blogging off and on since being asked to contribute to an anonymous group blog back in the fall of 2000.
In case you forgot how long ago 2000 was, let me help you.
In 2000, I was a 30 year old Capitol Hill Staffer with a Mets/Giants loving native of the Bronx for a wife, a beautiful young son who bore a striking resemblance to his father and shared a love for music and a name with both my father and me. I was just starting to embrace my burn to write and was looking to the internet with curiosity as a place I could work my new found craft. With my father’s death in March of 2000, I was entrusted with the task of writing my father’s
The nation was emerging from the Clinton Years with a budget surplus, and just beginning to come to grips with the amazing technological leap that had been provided by the tech-boom. Bush and Gore got their late night thriller on and when all the dust had settled…America had spoken clearly and said:
We would rather have the other guy, but rules are rules…how bad could he be?
If you thought you had an idea it would go down like THIS, kindly leave this post and take your ass somewhere with that 20/.05 Hindsight. NO ONE could have seen this ish coming in 2000.
Fast forward four years and it is 2004.
I had managed to add a son, break a family, slip into an emotional tailspin and circle the drain of my life for about 2 years before slipping completely into the toilet and emerging on the other side of sanity in Fort Worth, TX miles from ANYONE I knew.
The change of scenery and some fervrent prayers on my part along with my family, nudged me closer and closer to being a productive black man.
Four MORE years later, here I am. homeowner, happy husband, devoted, if long-distance, father. Still grinding away at this blogging thing.
I have really grown up in the past 8 years, especially in regards to who I am and what I am about. Even though I no longer Blog under my given name, my life is a story that begs telling. The next movement is about bringing my life back into my blogging.
What does this mean for YOU?
You might actually get to know me, if you stick around.
Watching the media (THEM, if you will) twist themselves into knots about the overwhelming otherness of Barack and Michelle Obama tells me all I need to know about how important it is that Black Folk be allowed to just BE and not have to slide into some easily digestible porridge for the Culturally picky. In this spirit I call upon all of us to be more engaging, not just in our opinions and facts, but in ourselves.