As the Calendar turns from One blatantly Commercial Holiday (Super Bowl Sunday) to another (Valentine’s Day), I find myself pondering what place love has in my life. I have always had a particularly insightful POV on love, as I have been working in the restaurant business for the vast majority of the past twenty-two years. I can tell Blind dates from silver anniversary dates from Dontbotheruswejustheretotalkcauseourspousesareontousandwereplottinganexitstrategybeforeslobbingeachotherdownintherestaurantparkinglot. dates within the first 20 minutes.
Love at first sight
Lust at first Sight
And by far, the most entertaining for the spectator and most confounding for the participants:
Luck at first Sight (this is when someone who would be COMPLETELY disregarded is the beneficiary of a completely random course of events)
The tragedy is that all that I saw and learned during this 22 year lab didn’t help me in the least.
As I find myself moving towards new beginnings in my own life, my mind turns toward the magic of the early days of relationships. Over the next few days I will behold a larger number of relationships than usual as Valentine’s Day on a weekend tends to spread out the VD celebrations. The newest relationships are always the most intriguing to watch.
It’s all so…new.
It’s all so fresh.
But…Is it healthy?
Stop. Pause. Wait.
Sit still and Look CAREFULLY at the situation that you find yourself in. Is it REALLY healthy for you? Are you edified by your relationship? Is your partner edified by your relationship? Have you even contemplated if this relationship is healthy for THEM? Do.You.Care? Would you leave if it wasn’t?
Yeah. Contemplate those and come back.
My own experience has been that people, particularly those still healing from the ends of previous relationships can find themselves so anxious to reconnect that they inject themselves into circumstances that are less about the other party and more about the feeling that comes upon them when they are with that person.
If you said “hey, that sounds like chasing a high”, kindly pull out your smart phone and play Bejewelled Birds, your work here is done. Your fellow readers are catching up. Please sit still and wait for the class to catch up. Thanks.
The hardest thing for me as a divorcee has been separating actual love from those feelings that feel like love, but actually are just “highs”.
Oh, now you don’t know what I’m talking about?
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
- Those faux trembles when you don’t hear from them.
- That rush you feel when they come back, even though you were pissed at them literally SECONDS ago
- Doing things you swore you would NEVER do because of how they made you feel with other folks but you do anyway in an effort to chase the feeling.
It is a dicey proposition, avoiding this kind of behavior when the nights get cold…and long…and solitary.
Hell, it’s a dicey proposition when the nights are warm, short, and Full of warm bodies (the same one over and over or a different one…same deal)
Those of you playing Angry Tetris or texting Brett Favre Pictures of your Junk Drawers can rejoin this blog post already in progress.
The obvious question is: How do you know?
Me, Myself, Personally?
My advice is to get some YOU time in. Understand yourself. Learn what really makes you tick. It is worth noting that the same behavior that people engage in the mundane parts of their life takes over in their relationships. People are out here pressing buttons on their new smartphone to see what happens, learning through trial and error.
That’s cool and the gang, for your smart phone.
Learn yourself. Read the owner’s manual.
You know, the owner’s manual. Your owner’s manual is the guide to your physical, mental, and emotional self.
Oh…you don’t have one of those? Then you need to get off Twittermatchfacebookplanetzoosk.com and get to writing it. You’re wasting everyone’s time here.
Seriously. Get. On. It.
You’re playing with fire out here. You can’t run to the SprintVerizonAT&T-mobileBoost store for help when you press buttons in your life in a funky sequence and you brick your life.