ON: Men Tending to Their OWN Knitting

The incessant glare of the Blogosphere on the minds, hearts, and souls of Black women would be helpful if it wasn’t so not actually ABOUT Black women.  A careful review of the general narrative in these articles suggests that there is a concerted effort to push back against Black women’s self- determination.  If I was prone to Tin-Foil Fitteds I would almost suggest a conspiracy, but that requires a level of coordination and cooperation that Black men just can’t seem to manage.

Let me be honest for a second.  This post is very difficult for me to write. As a certified member of the male gender, my impulse is to let women fight their own battles.  That impulse takes a back seat to dealing with my brethren on how they treat my sisters.  My goal here is to address my issues without belaboring them purely for entertainment sake.  As tempting as it is to really go in on this stuff, the reality is that such behavior detracts from real debate.  and if we don’t actually HAVE This damn debate, then this kind of behavior is sure to continue.

For every post I read entitled: The Sad Clown:Four Reasons Why Funny Girls Finish Last or “Are 21st Century Women ready for a Marriage Partnership?”, I skip seven.  At a certain point, they all tend to read alike.

The first post came courtesy of the FreshXpress.  Idu Charles, who proclaims himself an educated man, thinker and unrestricted dreamer opens his piece innocently enough:

One thing is clear as crystal: Women have changed, and men have not.

It seems simple enough, right?  I’ve been suggesting as such for a long while, that as their economic viability and opportunity has increased women’s ambitions and hopes will change.

That wasn’t exactly where Mr. Charles was headed.  Mr. Charles goes on to pose a series of loaded questions that essentially chastise women for having the audacity to…evolve.  (Damn them; if only they had stayed in their place…)

In the case of the Fine Brothers at VSB, it’s simply Entertainment.  They are who they are; they do what they do.  I don’t read them often, but when I do, they are consistently well-written and funny.  Now mind you, it is entertaining to the point that you read it in a vacuum.  But since I don’t live in a vacuum, I tend not to always evaluate their posts in that fashion.

My problem with the post doesn’t necessarily lie at VSB’s doorstep.

Not. Necessarily.

One man’s entertainment is another man’s gospel truth, it seems.  What The Champ may have only meant for shits, giggles and page views, was used by armies of Y-chromosome-owners as some kind of Dead Sea Scroll, physical proof that these women are getting too big for their capris.

That, in fact, is what is constantly going on online. From the indirect and passive aggressive tone of Mr. Charles to the good natured but easily co-opted entertainment of VSB, The meme is being reinforced on a daily basis.

“Dear Woman, stop trying to progress, it only will get more difficult for you to work with us.  Kindly Stay in your lane so we  can stay in ours. You know, the one that dictates your ability to define yourself.”

If you think I’m going to be sitting around here a slapping around shaky arguments on TWiB, you’re mistaken.   I’ve got exactly ONE more post on this tired ass topic.  And I am going to take my sweet time getting around to that, cause clearly, by virtue of the umbrage circulating, men are amused and women are perturbed by this topic and it can be very easy to get bogged down.

I am already resisting the urge to make this any more entertaining.  Sure, I could do a point by point take down, but for what?  Okay…just this last one, I promise.

Mr. Charles suggests that somehow because a woman works hard and a man might have a more significant role in the at home responsibilities that the child would naturally cling towards the home-making parent.

Wait. You think I am lying, don’t you?

What if you met a man who will stay home with the children (even while bringing in some money) and you continue working long hours?  It sounds good, but keep in mind that when children are drawn to their mother, it is in large part due to the fact that the mother is perceived over time as the nurturing parent.  Are you ready to have a man who will literally encroach on your dreams about motherhood and help make decisions about the child’s dress, schools, toys, food, and everything else?

I cannot make this up.  Does this man know NOTHING of the power of the womb?  Does he even HAVE children? See?  The urge is great.  I must resist.

The Truth is, so must you.  If you see pieces of this nature today (and you will, because, hey…it IS Thursday, and it’s really the last chance to get major Page views before the holiday weekend) Just click the X and Roll out.

Don’t tell a soul.

Pretend you never saw it.

If you ignore them, they WILL go away.

6 comments

  1. Sondjata

    the quote

    “What if you met a man who will stay home with the children (even while bringing in some money) and you continue working long hours? It sounds good, but keep in mind that when children are drawn to their mother, it is in large part due to the fact that the mother is perceived over time as the nurturing parent. Are you ready to have a man who will literally encroach on your dreams about motherhood and help make decisions about the child’s dress, schools, toys, food, and everything else?”

    has already been researched with not a few moms reporting that they felt uncomfortable with sharing those exact types of issues with male stay at home fathers. In some cases the mother’s took over those roles.

    How prevalent such things are I cannot say.

  2. wizardofoz321

    Thank you. Looking forward to more intelligent critique of “men tending to their own knitting”.

    P.S. Mr. Charles – No.

  3. aaw1976

    The assertion that a woman must find a way to please her man by changing who she is and not letting her awesomeness shine is just depressing. We don’t live in the 1950’s and the person that brings home the gold can’t make all the rules, cause I bring some home too. Men do indeed need to step their games up.

  4. More And Again

    Click the X and roll out is exactly what I did on that Idu Charles blog. It’s starting to become a reflex that, as soon as I feel my blood boiling, my eyes glaze over and I shut the page down. This is progress, because I used to respond in the comments and then stew for an hour afterwards. Now? #ShortHairDontCare lol

    I have to agree with your take on the VSB post too. While I usually find them funny, that post irked me just enough that I couldn’t even chuckle. I happen to be a woman who likes making people laugh, and no, it’s not because I’m “ugly” by any interpretation of the word. Thanks for nothing, VSB.

  5. Barbara O' Brien

    Dear Inkognegro,

    I just have a quick question for you but couldn’t find an email so had to resort to this. I am a progressive blogger. Please email me back at barbaraobrien@maacenter.org when you get a chance. Thanks.

    Barbara

  6. dashofreality

    HA! Touche! Please stay in your lane so that when we feel ready to actually spread our seeds legitimately we will quell your desperate matrimony pleas (because you’ll trade it all for a husband and some kids anyway?) after we run through all the other women, of course. And that’s an order. My only hope is that it does go away. Fruitless dream… but we certainly need more people to “refudiate” the nonsense. Great post!

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