Three the Hard Way: High InFidelity Pt 1

Previously on Three The Hard Way

In the process of trying to get to the core of my status as a father of three, I have not done my proper due diligence in painting a proper picture of just HOW my first marriage ended up an exercise in putting on appearances and thinly veiled contempt.

The Long answer is incompatibility and an inability to work together and grow together. But me and experience has proven that answer flatly insufficient.

95% of the stumbles I experienced in BOTH of my marriages could have been easily remedied with some honest and frank conversation and introspection on all parts.

Even though through the magic of 20/10 hindsight we would NEVER have progressed beyond casual dating partner and have both matured and moved on to successful marriages, I am confident that we would have scrapped at it and ground out an ugly win. But that other 5% kept getting in the way.

NOTHING will wreck a marriage like infidelity.

Even the most emotionless single episodic infidelity in the worst Marriage is the metaphorical equivalent of throwing your child out of a burning three story building when there is a kiddie pool full of alcohol garnished with shards of plate glass directly beneath you.

Sure you See it…but that doesnt mean you can avoid it.

The fall may not kill you, instantly. But 99% of the time you will wish it did. The aftermath is FAR worse than any Death your child(relationship) might come upon.

I have done that.

More than once.

I’ve never hit the pool directly.

OHHHH but I have been close.

Close enough for the Baby/relationship to be too injured to live a full life.

Once I even Killed it.

You can only throw the same baby out the window so many times before the baby’s body just gives up.

Infidelity is something that can happen to ANYONE.  Your House (life) catches fire…and your impulse comes to grab that Baby (your relationship) and toss it out to safety.

Who wants to have their baby burn up in the house?  No one, right?

Then work on putting the fire out…instead of throwing the baby out of the window like a suitcase.

(The ink says this Metaphor needs more flushing out….Part II REAL soon.)


  1. SGTMcClain

    Man I feel you, my marriage was done because started out thinking that we could circumvent any problems of infidelity by having an open marriage.

    At first it seemed like a good idea but it started to wear on us, then when she wanted to be done with it I didn’t and vice versa. The honesty of everything helped but the people that came in and out of our marriage made it hell. My ex and I were incompatable on so many other levels but I do believe that those could have been fixed once the open relationship turned into actual cheating the trust was gone and everything crumbled from there

    Infidelity in any form even honest infidelity (thats probably an oxymoron) will relase demons into a relationship that are near imposible to fight.

    As a father of 4 and understand what you are going thru, you gotta figure out what didn’t work last time to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes. We’ve got those little people to consider!

  2. 12kyle

    Great post, fam

    I think infidelity is a road that every married man will face during his marriage. We have to make the decision whether we should enter that road. I don’t judge any man that does b/c I know how hard it can be to stay off that road.

    I think it’s all about situations. You have to try to keep yourself out of certain situations. And that can be very difficult.

  3. Rasheedah

    Unfortunately, the logic of putting out the fire never occurs during the panic. I’m holding my breath in anticipation of the next part… More more more!

  4. Coco

    I agree with Rasheedah. It’s difficult to put the fire out while the fire is at its peak. It’s almost easier to let it take over and pick up the pieces that didn’t burn. Great philosophy I hope I can learn from. Waiting for part two…

  5. ariesramgirl

    I guess I understand the metaphor/simile…a little hard for me…but I’m sure you’ll enlighten me w/ part2

  6. Soulpower

    Both have to agree in principle and in practice to put the fire out. When committed you can put that fire out for good. One partner can not do it alone.

  7. Pigskinlovinglady

    This is like a good book that I don’t want to put down. umm can you take the laptop to work and type between customers? 😉

    Infidelity is a running theme on blogs and in conversations these days. Maybe the world is ready for MVP’s again. Morals…Values and Principles!!

  8. mindpinball

    I have enjoyed this series of posts. I think the main thing I’m picking up out of it is how important it is to communicate with your partner, not just talk but communicate. It truly is hard work that can make the relationship better, or you can find out whether the relationship is going to work or not.

  9. Kimberly

    I am completely enjoying your posts if for no other reasons than they are completely and totally honest and real…It is a story, but it is even better because it is a real life story…I can wait for the next part…

  10. Lounge Bish

    Well, well, well….I am waiting with bated breath for part 2. Loved this tid bit of frank and clear writing !

    Keep up the good work and the honest tongue !

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