Real Talk in the middle of the night.

There are moments in your life that you usually look back on months/years later and say:

Yeah, that’s when it all changed for me.

Today was that day for me.

I am just over 700 days short of 40.  While 40 may be the new 30 or whatever random formula older rappers trot out to suit their own egos, my personal reality is that I have managed fritter away my youth stretching and straining to make ends meet at the expense of whatever prodigious talents and gifts God has given me.

This in and of itself, isn’t news.  What IS news is that I now understand WHY that is.

I harbor an irrational fear of failure, which extends from a lifetime of self-esteem issues.  This, of course, is a bitter irony when placed in the context of a man known to more than a few as snobbish, pompous, arrogant, and self-aggrandizing.   So, go figure.

Mrs. Ink pulled my card this afternoon and challenged me to stop ducking my destiny and to push the envelope and walk in my destiny.

Of course, she is right.  Of  Course I have been trying to make this happen for years now.  If you think fighting the power is hard, you should try fighting YOURSELF and the system in a no holds barred handicap match in a steel cage.

Honestly, one of the difficulties of Blogging for me is the insular nature of it.

I am sitting here pouring my heart and soul (or not) into this blog and Aside from a couple of REALLY close friends, I feel like I am talking to myself.   Then I realized, I am actually much more honest with myself when I actually talk to myself, so if I am going to feel like I am talking to myself, I may as well ACTUALLY go ahead and talk to myself.

And go ahead and answer myself as well.

3 comments

  1. Big Man

    Really enjoyed this piece. I can relate. It’s one of the reasons I started blogging. I felt like I just needed to do something that required effort.

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