The Obligatory Father’s Day Post

First, let’s hear it for the official Father’s Day HipHop song.

Father’s Day has never been easy for me.  My father wasn’t really big on staying in one place or keeping contact with me enough for me to send him cards and stuff in the mail and my step-father passed away when I was 13.

As a father, my record has been far more inconsistent than I would like and frankly, aside from a phone call I got from the boys in 2006, I do not remember getting anything from them.

I didn’t get a call or a card from them this year and I would be lying if it didn’t hurt a bit.

I am writing this today on behalf of a group of fathers who often get left completely out of conversations about the current state of fatherhood.

I am not one of those picturebook Father of the Year candidates.

I am not a sperm donor, either.

I am part of the massive middle ground of fathers who are active in their children’s lives but their relationships are complicated by life and the choices it presents.

My ex has been dating the same man for over 6 years now and my sons speak of him in glowing terms having recently progressed to calling him their step-father.   He doesn’t have any children of his own, and if I know my ex, as long as he is with her, the only children he will have a part in raising are my two.  To him I offer a sincere thank you and a Happy Father’s Day.

The relationship I enjoy with my children exists almost solely at the discretion of my ex-wife.  She is usually supportive of my attempts to remain in their life, but sometimes I wonder.

The details paint all adult parties involved in a light that has both positives and negatives.

As Father’s Day winds to a close, I would encourage you to stop short of painting every non-custodial father in the same light.

There are truly eight million stories in the naked city.

Happy Father’s Day to all.



  1. tjsthings

    I’ve known several non-custodial parents. It is sad that more custodial parents can’t be more mature about the relationship of cheir children and their fathers. A child’s life is not the place to get one’s ego stroked, but it happens.

  2. Pingback: In the aftermath of Father’s Day. « TJs Things
  3. JNez

    man it’s not too late to reestablish a relationship with your boys. of course i don’t know the details of your situation but as a father, i can relate to both victories and defeats.

    nice blog by the way

    July 2008

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