My Resolution Will Not be Mainstream

My Resolution will not be Mainstream with props/apologies to Gil Scott-Heron


You will not be able to find opinions like this on DailyKos or RedState

YouTube is much too full of Big 10 coaches cranking that souljah boy and teenagers channeling their inner Strokers contractor

You can find my resolution with your Iphone or your sidekick, but it won’t be on anyone’s top 8 on MySpace or Facebook

Because my resolution will not be mainstream

My Resolution will not be on YouTube…unless I fall onstage or end up beefing with Cam or Fiddy or see those girls and that cup

The Resolution won’t be protested by PETA or a bunch of folk in black, although I just might end up with a noose around my neck, which is probably better than being slammed to the ground or electrocuted.

The Resolution won’t be calling one garden tools or offering discourse on hair texture, but the resolution will call a spade a spade and a nigga a nigga The Resolution will leave the real N-Word to Duane Chapman, since he likes to say it around the house. And tell Mr. O’Reilly that the resolution wants more iced tea, motherfucker.

The Resolution won’t be a six part reality show hosted by Bob Barker, who seems to have some time on his hands, and it damn sure wont be hosted by Drew Carey, who has put a great deal of effort in looking as uncomfortable as humanly possible on the Price is Right

The resolution has a wide stance but the resolution won’t be talking to strangers. The resolution is not gay, has never been gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The resolution may be straight, but it still isn’t mainstream.

The resolution isn’t about testing fate; when you skate on offing two white folk sometimes you need to let shit slide.

The resolution isn’t going out like any of the following:

Scooter Libby

Roger Clemens

Mike Nifong

Duane Chapman

Britney Spears

The Law firm of Lohan, Hilton and Richie

The resolution isn’t interested in allowing Nashua or Des Moines determine his future, although it doesnt seem to be much of a choice.

The resolution will not be mainstream

The resolution hasn’t been endorsed by Oprah or Chuck Norris and it doesn’t feature a verse by Lil Wayne or a hook by T-Pain

The resolution ain’t gonna crank dat or pop lock and drop it. The resolution does need a cape, though.

The resolution won’t star Will Smith or McLovin,

The resolution isn’t going to Bust shots in Blacksburg, Omaha, Lancaster, or Houston.

They tried to make the resolution go to rehab and it said no, no, no.

The resolution refuses to sit on the runway for 10 hours.

The resolution won’t make it rain, no matter how bad the drought is, and while the resolution got Love for Al Gore, it is only going to be so green.

The resolution will not be mainstream.

The resolution starts tomorrow.


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